total eclipse
by Magentian
Summary: There is a price for everything... for silence, for romance, for betrayal. And Saix will ensure that Axel pays for what he has done. [WIP. Yaoi. Akuroku. SaixAxel. Noncon. Rape. Abuse. Lemon.]
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Okay. Let me just say, I hate writing these. However, for this particular fic, a few preliminaries are decidedly in order.**

**Firstly. This fic will involve lemon, or, in other words, explicit sexual content. This fic will involve slash - so, that's explicit sexual content between males. Finally, this fic will involve noncon. Three words: Explicit. Male. Rape. (And torture. Can't forget torture.)**

**Not for you? That's fine, just consider yourself warned in advance. Hit the back button and get on with your life.**

**If it IS your thing, though, please do review. This is my first lemon. Don't be gentle. I've proofread this bad boy for flow and quality until I can no longer stand looking at it anymore, so let me know if something isn't to your liking, and I'll certainly give it a once-over again.**

**Thanks.**

**...By the way, just in case you doubted the fact, I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I am, however, saving up for it, and donations are always welcome. Paypal or credit are accepted. Blank checks will also do nicely.**

**That said, thank you, and enjoy the show.**

* * *

_"That's not true… I would."_

Axel slumped, his eyes fixed on Roxas' back as the boy strode calmly down the street. Looking at his retreating form, he noticed the hurried assurance of his movements, the forward tilt of his hips, the cocky set of his shoulders, for what might be the last time. Each new revelation was a small shock, a little jolt that sent a lump to his throat. This wasn't it. This _couldn't_ be it. Surely it wasn't the end.

_The boy__ made his mouth go dry and his stomach churn.__ His little mannerisms, his smiles, his frowns, the cold bluntness that made him wish for the boon of tears, and the kindne__ss that made every sorrow, real or imagined, melt away like a dream. _

Any moment now, Roxas would show that he had heard. Roxas would turn around, and come back, and everything would be just as it should be again. But the boy kept moving, turning the corner without once looking back.

_Jerk_, Axel thought, but there was no real venom behind it. Only desperation, building slowly to panic. Wouldn't he turn around, wouldn't he see…? The seconds passed. Something wrenched deep within him, something real, something painful. What was this…?

"Roxas," Axel said at last, his voice cracking plaintively. "Stop. Please."

Roxas stopped, but refused to turn. He heard footsteps behind him. Against all better judgment, he looked back. Axel stood there, looking thoroughly miserable.

Roxas' will trembled, but held firm, and slowly the boy dragged his gaze upward to meet the green eyes which lingered on him. Red on white on black. A creature of extremes.

_Axel would always watch him, studying him intently, searching for the flicker of character that his motions betrayed, always finding that the stupid smile had somehow worked its way back on his face. __It had always been that way__, and he was never sure why. He__ never could quite understand it. Now maybe he never would._

"… I don't want it to end like this," Axel confessed finally, glancing at the ground, as though looking Roxas in the face had become too painful. "Can't… can't you at least tell me where you're going? Or why? This might be the last time I ever see you again, Rox. I don't want that, but…" Axel sucked in a breath, shuffling his boots against the pavement, waiting.

Roxas shook his head. "I can't tell you where I'm going. You know that. I didn't even want to talk to you at all..." He turned back, facing his friend. "I knew you'd take it like this, I knew you'd try and stop me. I'm sorry, Axel. Believe me, if there was another way, I'd take it. But the Organization won't help me in this, so I've got to do this alone. I have to see him. I have to find out who he is …or else, I won't ever know who_ I_ am." Roxas looked timid suddenly, hungry for approval, like the fifteen-year-old he really was. "Please understand."

Axel lowered his gaze to the floor again. "So you weren't even gonna say goodbye at all, huh?" he asked, running a hand through his hair. "Go figure. You think you know a guy."

The redhead looked up, catching the look of shame and embarrassment on Roxas' face. He forced a smile. "But… I guess I have no choice but to forgive you. I'd hate to have you leave angry at me."

He smiled again, more broadly, and Roxas trembled at the pain visible in his eyes. "So, you can go, I guess. With my blessing. Just, try and visit once in a while, eh? Don't forget about your old pal?"

"Axel," Roxas whispered, his eyes prickling, and, in a few quick strides, he had crossed the distance between them to where the other man stood. The boy threw his arms around him. "You know I'll never forget you," he laughed, trying his hardest to blink back the tears that burned his eyelids. "Who could?"

_Roxas had always been the brightest, the __most real__ of them all, a strange, __brilliant__ being that had strayed in from some foreign land, alive and beautiful and strong and fierce. __To garb him in the robes of black worn by the Organization seemed a profanation of some inherent part of his nonbeing. __He obeyed the laws__ of none, tolerated no falsity, obeyed or disobeyed the Superior according to his mood, and the mysterious Keyblades seemed to glint like a hidden mettle behind his beautiful eyes. _

Axel chuckled, wrapping his arms around Roxas, burying his face in the boy's flaxen hair, so soft, so familiar. Then, slowly, he stiffened, pulled back, studying Roxas' face in concern. "It… it's not because of me at all, is it?" he asked, worry clouding his face. "It's not because I wasn't good enough? Because I wasn't a good friend, or because I… I couldn't do enough to help you…"

"No way!" Roxas shook his head in disbelief, looking up at Axel, a small smile playing about his lips. "How can you say that? You ought to know I loved you more than anybody else in the whole godforsaken place."

Axel smiled. Some of the lines of worry disappeared from his face. "Well, that's a relief, anyway." He tightened his arms around Roxas. "Not that we really _can_ love, right?" he asked, with a touch of his old cynicism. "Ill-equipped, you know."

Roxas chuckled. "You're equipped just fine, what are you talking about?" Axel laughed aloud. Roxas smiled, blinking against Axel's throat, a sudden lump tightening in his chest. His voice was hushed and sincere. "Heart or no heart, Axel… I love you. Nothing's gonna change that, all right? No matter who I am. No matter what I become. I love you. Remember that."

_Axel, whose entire life had always revolved around falsity, who put on the show of obedience and ruthlessness and calm every day, quaked under his gaze. Nothingness could not, would not, reside in those depths, and he could not pretend to feel nothing when he looked into them. Axel had always been a reflection of others' purposes for him, a fiery mirror in which people saw what they desired shining back at them. But when he reflected on Roxas, Axel was conscious only of light – hard, piercing, blinding, illuminating, living and incarnate light that would devour him alive if he let it. And he did. Willingly. Each and every time._

Axel couldn't speak for a moment. He simply nodded into Roxas' hair, fighting the emotion – what else could it be called? – that threatened to drown him. God, what he wouldn't have given to freeze this moment, if only he could… if only he could manage something, something besides burning alive for the boy in his arms. "I'll remember it," he managed at last. "You'd better get going, then, and soon, or they'll catch you before you get anywhere."

Roxas nodded, but didn't let go. Axel gazed for a few moments at his face, as though trying to memorize its features; then he stooped in to plant a kiss on Roxas' cheek. The boy moved quickly, tilting his head sideways and back to catch Axel's lips. They collided.

Axel's eyes widened in surprise, a faint blush coloring his cheeks; Roxas simply tightened his grip, hanging on with rare, raw tenderness. He raised a hand to slowly stroke Axel's cheek, fingers brushing his long, red hair. Slowly, the older man relaxed, leaning into the kiss, letting Roxas take control. The boy traced a warm tongue over his bottom lip, slipping it into his waiting mouth, his lips parting only a little, innocently, beneath Axel's own. Roxas' mouth tasted of sugar and sea-salt and Axel tried hard to memorize that, too. His lips and tongue moved against the boy's, now tenderly, now with a desperate, aching force, seeking to convey through motion a longing that no words could express. With shaking hands Axel traced the graceful lines of the boy's torso, moving down to rest his palms on Roxas' narrow hips, pressing them close to his own.

_That first time, __Roxas had __seemed__ so delicate, so small, that Axel was afraid he might break. His eyes had lingered on the delicate arch of Roxas' neck, on the slim, soft lines of his torso and ribcage, on the soft blond patch of hair between his legs and the organ that nestled there, half-hidden in shadow, hiding its weeping head from his view. Despite the aching hunger that stiffened his whole body, Axel managed to ask, "Are you sure you want to-" Then Roxas __had __met his gaze, blue eyes locked on green, the light in th__em hard and unyielding and savage and proud__. Axel grinned __and reached for him, their fingers locking together __as their bo__dies collided__, wiry__ strong__ youthful__ immortal, a shooting star that burned as it fell from Heaven__, a chaos that made beautiful sense._

Finally, Roxas pulled away, blushing furiously. "I'll visit you," he said finally. "And when it's all over, I'll come back. I promise."

Axel nodded, touching a hand to his lips in wonder. "I'll wait for you," he said, and then, with a touch of his customary bravado, "I'll be looking forward to it." A final grin split his face.

Roxas smiled back, his lips flushed pink from exertion, his dirty blonde hair hanging in his eyes, so bright they seemed to glow. Not only his eyes – in that final moment, all of him seemed filled with radiance, lit by love from within.

_Axel really didn't understand why Roxas __ever__ left. __In __Axel's__ opinion, Roxas never had to leave to be complete. He was already __complete, already __whole, already beautiful. Already perfect._

Roxas turned and walked into the portal, which swirled and vanished behind him. The alley seemed to become darker, more deserted, less alive without his presence there. Axel stared at the spot where he had disappeared, leaning shakily against the wall, suddenly struck by the knowledge of fear, the realization of emptiness.

He stayed, staring, a black-clad figure against black streets, for hours on end, only his red hair betraying him against the backdrop as he stood vigil and waited for Roxas to return.

* * *

From his perch high above the rooftops, Saïx observed the proceedings with an eye that grew more and more interested as time went on.

"Hm," was all he said, straightening at last, cold eyes taking in the tableau of the red-haired man, slumped, staring at a corner of the alleyway with dogged persistence. His eyes closed for a long moment as he stood there, thinking: an almost-imperceptible smirk had appeared on his thin, colorless lips. Then shadows engulfed him as he, too, disappeared from view.

* * *

**One final note. If you have indeed made it this far - and ESPECIALLY if you are going to list this story as a favorite, or put it on alert - please have the courtesy to leave a review. There's nothing more frustrating than seeing the number of alerts exceed the number of reviews.**

**Much love, and stay tuned for the next chapter in a few days.**


	2. Chapter 2

"Axel."

Axel, who had been leaning on one of the many balconies that overlooked the vista of Kingdom Hearts, jumped violently. He turned, eyes blazing, and his gaze fell on the speaker. That brought him up short.

"You." It wasn't a question so much as a statement. "What do you want with me, Saïx?"

It wasn't so much that he had been interrupted that he minded, but interruption by Saïx, that was another matter. At the best of times, relations between them were strained, any empathy cut short by the inexplicable tension in the air. And today… Axel scowled, remembering it afresh. Today was far from the best of times. Not only had Roxas left less than a day ago, not only was an inquiry being called into his absence by the Superior himself – no, that all hadn't been bad enough. Now Saïx had come here, too, a harbinger of ill omens yet to come, and he had a strange gleam in his eyes that, quite frankly, creeped Axel out.

Saïx seemed to brook no offense from Axel's clearly insolent tone. That made Axel _certain_ something was wrong. Saïx would never have ignored such an obvious excuse to browbeat him in the past. Today, the Luna Diviner simply crossed the distance between them with unnatural calm, taking a position next to Axel, looking out onto the moonscape. A thin layer of sweat was forming on Axel's palms.

"Your… friend, Roxas. He has been missing for several hours now," Saïx began, and Axel's stomach plummeted. _Of course.__ What did I expect, some nice talk about the weather? _"The Superior is growing quite concerned. He has entrusted me with the task of ascertaining who saw him last, and as you two were… close," Saïx's cool voice twisted in what might have been disgust, "it seems only natural to begin my search with you. Did the boy mention anything to you about plans for leaving?"

Axel hesitated. Saïx turned away from the overlook, his golden eyes scanning Axel's face for any trace of expression, any weakness. "Did he have any complaints about his life here?" Saïx clarified, a slight edge to his voice. "Any questions he felt he couldn't solve? Any regrets, or feelings of constraint?"

_Or choice E: all of the above? What is this, twenty questions? Geez, they act like the kid committed suicide. _A nasty thought occurred to him. _Then again, in their eyes, he virtually has. If he's found a traitor… he's as good as doomed himself._

Axel's stomach churned. _It'll be death for him, if they can find him. Or worse, torture. Life as a Dusk. And no escape anywhere, unless DiZ has some damned good hiding places up his sleeve. _Then, with a touch of worried exasperation, _Why in_ hell_ did I ever let the kid out of my sight…?_

Saïx smiled, as though reading Axel's thoughts. "Your help and cooperation in this matter will be well rewarded, of course," the berserker said. "But I caution you now, Axel – do not lie to me. You know where your loyalties should lie. Any untruths _will_ be brought to light, and trust me… you will pay dearly for your insolence, and I will personally make sure it is at _my _hands." The hungry look was back, a yellow, fey cast glinting about his eyes.

Axel's face was perfectly expressionless, even contrite. "Sorry, Saïx. I haven't seen Rox for a few days now. He's mostly been keeping to himself lately." He hesitated. "I… kind of got the feeling he was avoiding me, actually."

Axel knew that he had cinched that line. Falsity came as naturally to him as breathing, a thing which he had long since stopped feeling ashamed for and started feeling damn proud of. Each expression, each word, each gesture, had been faultless, as usual. He knew perfectly what he appeared to be - he was a friend who'd been let down, nothing more, nothing less.

And yet… Saïx smiled, a terrible smile, a hungry smile, like the glint of a knife in the moonlight. As Axel finished speaking, he could see the Diviner's lips parting, exposing perfect, gleaming teeth that bared themselves in a savage grin.

"Ah," Saïx said finally, triumph in his eyes. "That is unfortunate. Then again… I'd almost hoped you would say that. After all, this will make everything that much easier."

Axel was inwardly confused. "Yeah, you're right… maybe someone else will have a better idea where he is," he agreed, pleading and hoping that this was what had caused Saïx's malign pleasure to show so awfully on his face. "I hope you find out where he went, though. I just… still can't believe he didn't say goodbye." He glanced down, but his disguise was ruined when Saïx drew closer, and he stiffened, wary. Saïx's hand clamped down on his arm, the fingers digging in with unseemly force, bruising where they touched. The Luna Diviner's face drew closer to his, so close that Axel could feel Saïx's breath on his own lips. He stared into feral eyes, his spine prickling. There was nowhere to run.

"Ah, but Axel," Saïx purred, "I seem to recall that he _did._"

Axel's eyes widened in shock, he narrowed them – too late, too late! The terrible blow was written in every nerve and angle of his body. "What?" he gasped, recoiling from Saïx's touch, hoping to recover some distance, some credibility – but Saïx moved with him, matched his motions, pinned him to the wall casually with one hand that dug even deeper into his flesh.

"Yes, Axel," Saïx whispered. "You see, I _saw_ that goodbye. I saw …_everything._"

Axel's knees turned to liquid quite suddenly. He would have sagged under the weight of the statement, but Saïx's hand, and his eyes, still pinned him in position, a butterfly trapped on a labeled sheet. He could feel the blood draining from his face.

"I saw the traitor Roxas leave," Saïx whispered into Axel's ear, the syllables hissing a potent rhythm through the tangle of his hair. "I saw you follow him, saw you demand an explanation. I saw you _kiss_ him, Axel. It was … very romantic. Unbecoming of you, if you wish to know the truth." Saïx pushed away from him, hard, and Axel hit the ground knees-first before he realized that it had even happened. "Not least because _you_, Axel, the great slayer of traitors, were romancing a traitor yourself… promising to cover his tracks, to conceal his movements, keeping his secrets from those whom they concerned most of all."

Axel stared upward at Saïx. The berserker towered over him, cold and cruel, and, for the first time in his nonexistence, Axel felt truly powerless over the situation. Checkmate.

He couldn't think. All he could do was choke out, "Does …Xemnas know about all this?"

Saïx smiled wryly. "A good question. I am glad to see you are still mentally intact enough to follow what I am saying to you." His grin faded a little. "No. Xemnas does not yet know. I was the only witness, and I have not yet told him."

Axel was hopelessly confused. "But, why?" He shook his head. "You're the only person who saw, you hate my guts … I would've bet my life you'd have run straight to him immediately." Axel looked upward into Saïx's face. "Unless _you're _lying, now, too."

A small smile played around the berserker's lips. He knelt down next to Axel. "No, Axel, I have told only the utmost truth this night. And what I will tell you now is also true." Bright gold eyes met his with fearful intensity. Axel shuddered, unable to look away. "There is a way out for you," Saïx whispered urgently. "If you wish it so, I will keep it all secret - all that your actions have told me will stay with me. You have only to follow my instructions to you tonight."

Axel stiffened on instinct. So this was what the Diviner had been dancing around all night. This was what it had all been building up to. But, dammit all, he wasn't going to be afraid.

"And… what are these _instructions _of yours, Saïx?" Axel asked, each word coming as a separate weight.

Saïx smiled. "I was afraid you would never ask."

The Luna Diviner stood, extending a hand to Axel, who ignored it and got to his feet. Saïx placed a hand on his shoulder, ignoring Axel's shudder of revulsion, and, cupping Axel's face with his free hand, whispered in his ear.

Axel's face first drained of color. Then it flushed in outrage at what he was hearing.

"Should I keep your silence," Saïx murmured, eyes half-lidded like a lazy serpent, "you will allow me to use your body in whichever way I see fit. You will be entirely subject to my whim for however many days I wish to make use of you. When I have grown bored, your secret will out, and the world will know you for the traitor that you are. I therefore advise you to keep me well entertained. That is all."

The berserker pulled back, examining Axel's expression with a dispassionate, cool eye.

"Are you _insane?"_ Axel whispered in utter, shocked disgust. "Are you fucking out of your _mind_, Saïx?"

"I understand that you may require some time to think things over," Saïx said calmly, ignoring Axel's rage.

"Time, hell! It'd require a lot more than _time_ to make me want to get anywhere _near_ you!" he shot back.

"I will give you twelve hours," Saïx continued implacably. "At the end of this time, I shall come back to you and receive your choice. If you have refused me, I see no choice but to expose you to everyone, and you and your … loose young friend –" a venomous flash of teeth accompanied this statement – "will both pay dearly for your indiscretions."

Axel had heard enough. His fist rocketed upward, connecting solidly with Saïx's jaw. The Luna Diviner recoiled from the blow, clutching his face, looking absolutely livid. Axel stood firm, summoning his weapons. His eyes dared him to continue.

"You can threaten me however you want, Saïx," Axel said, flames dancing on the edges of his voice. "I don't really give a fuck about that. But don't you _dare_ talk about Roxas that way when I'm around. _Ever._"

Saïx blinked at Axel's sudden rage. He touched his face thoughtfully, looking at him with those golden eyes in a new light, as though seeing something that he had not noticed on previous inspection.

"Fine," Saïx said at last, lowering his hand. "I see now that you are not to be beaten by simple bullying. Indeed, I would have been disappointed in you had you not taken offense. Passiveness is not a virtue I favor highly." He nodded to Axel. "But my offer still stands. We will meet here again. I look forward to hearing your answer in twelve hours' time."

Darkness billowed up from the ground, enveloping Saïx where he stood. When it died away, Axel was alone.


End file.
